


Strength

by Shareece (kimbob)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Brienne, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, She is pissed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-03-08 07:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18889828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimbob/pseuds/Shareece
Summary: Tyrion gently squeezed his hand. “It’s over.” He whispered. “Truly, Jaime.”Jaime nodded again, this time tears springing to his eyes.  “I’m so tired.”Tyrion nodded, tears in his own eyes.  “You can rest now.”





	1. Accountability

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this has been banging around in my head for a few weeks. I hope you enjoy.

**Accountability**

The explosion that rocked the Red Keep slammed Jaime against the furthest wall, rendering him unconscious. He awakens nearly a fortnight later with a haggard looking Tyrion sitting at his bedside. Every part of his body ached, and he let out a painful groan as he tried to move, stopping as Tyrion bade he lay still.

“Jaime,” he whispered, “Cersei is gone.” 

Jaime merely nodded. He knew as much, and he waited for the pain he always knew would come with the death of his sister. He swallowed down the sudden rise of bile he felt rushing its way up his throat. 

Tyrion gently squeezed his hand. “It’s over.” He whispered. “Truly, Jaime.” 

Jaime nodded again, this time tears springing to his eyes. “I’m so tired.” 

Tyrion nodded, tears in his own eyes. “You can rest now.” 

88

He goes North after he has fully healed. Sansa Stark eyed him shrewdly as he stood before her. Jaime couldn’t blame her. He knew she knew what it was he did, and he allowed her this judgement of him. He couldn’t care so long as he was able to see Brienne. 

“I thought you died.” She said flatly. 

He shrugged. “Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.” 

“Hmm.” She said before returning to her writing. 

Jaime watched her for a few moments before speaking quietly. “Where is she?”

Sansa didn’t glance up at him. “She whom?”

He gritted his teeth as he answered. “Brienne.” 

Sansa paused in her writing, sitting back in her chair as she regarded him silently. “Ser Lady Brienne received a letter two months ago stating her father had fallen gravely ill and did not have much time left in this world. The Evenstar had passed shortly after she arrived home.” 

Jaime winced at this. He knew how much Brienne loved her father. He swallowed. “Thank you, my lady.” He turned to go. 

“Ser Jaime.” Sansa called and he paused in his exit. “According to her last message, she will be betrothed soon.”

Jaime’s heart sunk down somewhere in his stomach with her words. “I’ll take my chances, my lady.” 

“You don’t deserve her.” She said.

Jaime nodded. “One of the many things we probably agree on regarding Brienne.” 

88 

Catching a trade ship out of White Harbor, Jaime takes this time to think of what he would say to Brienne once he saw her. ‘She’ll probably cut me down with Oathkeeper.’ He smiled at this fitting punishment. “You shall tell her the truth.” He mumbled to himself. Whatever that meant. Whatever that was. Gods, he was shit with words. 

 

Unbidden, his thoughts drifted to the last night he saw her and told her his lie. Her cries still haunted him, and the memory often overshadowed the memories of the wonderful few weeks they’d spent together. He shook his head with a quiet curse. All he wanted was to see Brienne and possibly hold her if she ever even lets him touch her again. 

He could hope, couldn’t he?

8

Jaime leaned forward, his eyes trying to catch sight of Tarth through the fog in the distance. He knew they had reached the Island by the sudden change in the water’s color. It was just as Brienne had described to him one cold night in Winterfell. They had just finished making love and he had asked her to tell him all she could of Tarth; her girlhood.

His hands tightened on the ship’s railings the closer the Island came into view. He began to move as the ship pulled into the dock, the thought of seeing Brienne again revitalizing him in a way he hasn’t felt since he last saw her. 

Jaime moved from the ship, stepping ono the pier while looking around. Island inhabitants milled about, going along with their business. He moved further down the pier, staring up at the soaring mountains and lush green meadows before him. Far in the distance, on top of one of those mountains, he could make out Evenfall Hall. “Brienne.” He whispered to himself as he made his way away from the pier toward a cobbled road. 

“Ser Jaime.” 

Jaime turned, his eyes widening as he caught sight of Brienne’s young squire. “Pod?” He sat on a grey horse while holding the reins of another. “You are a sight for sore eyes.” He greeted, holding out his hand. Pod reached out, grasping Jaime’s left hand in his own where he squeezed it tightly before letting it go. Jaime shook the soreness from his hand. “You’ve quite the grip.” He said, tilting his head. “How have you been, lad?”

Pod eyed him; his expression blank as he spoke carefully. “Ser Lady Brienne is currently indisposed and asked me to escort you to Evenfall Hall.”

Raising an eyebrow, Jaime nodded once and took the reins handed to him. He pulled himself up onto the horse “How is she?” He asked. 

Pod kicked his horse forward. “She’s fine. Follow me.” 

88

The road toward Evenfall Hall was on a winding incline. Jaime took in the scenery, feeling nothing short of awe from the soaring mountains and lush high meadows. The closer they road toward Evenfall Hall, the more nervous he became. He tensed in anticipation as they finally reached the top, letting the sound of the tall waterfalls on side of the castle ground him. He dismounted from his horse, handing the reins to a stable boy before following Pod inside. 

“I will show you to your quarters.” Pod said softly. Other castle habitants milled about, watching him curiously as he moved passed them. 

“When will I be able to see her?” He asked finally. 

Pod didn’t answer until they reached his guest chambers. Pod silently opened the door and Jaime stepped inside, he turned to face the young squire expectedly. 

“There will be a feast in three days’ time honoring the late Selwyn Tarth, I’m sure you shall see Ser Lady then.” 

“Three days?!” Jaime burst forth. He turned away with a scowl when all Pod did was stare at him. He crossed his arm across his chest. 

“Perhaps you can explore the Island while you wait.” Pod said blandly, he paused in the doorway. “Tarth welcomes you, Ser Jaime.” 

Jaime watched him go with the same scowl on his face. Three days? He sat down on the nearest chair; feeling bereft. She didn’t come to greet him. That was—unexpected for Brienne, but part of him knew he had been expecting too much. He rested his head back against the chair. He waited all this time to see her, he could wait another three days. 

8

**House Tarth-Unmovable Mountains.**

Jaime snorted to himself as he read House Tarth’s house words. “Of course.” He muttered to himself. 

The large feasting hall was decorated in Tarth’s colors of blue and rose. Silken house banners hung from every ceiling while blue and rose tapestries covered nearly every wall. Evenfall Hall didn’t match Casterly in opulence, but it was still grand and beautiful. 

It took Jaime exactly one day of waiting before he gave in and began his search for Brienne. He had discovered her rooms were on the opposite side of the castle which of course they would be. He had tried nearly every tactic to seek her out and gain her attention, but his efforts have been futile. She even denied each of his formal requests to have an audience with her. The answer always came back to him with the same excuse. ‘Ser Lady is currently indisposed.’ 

He hasn’t been able to see her nor speak to her since arriving on this Island, and he had a sinking suspicion that she was avoiding him.

Now here he was, sitting with the Lords and Ladies of Tarth, impatiently waiting for its main lady to make an appearance. It was not lost on him how far he was seated away from the high table, nearly ten seats; he’s counted. 

He sat up with interest as Samwell Tarly followed by the very pregnant wildling girl entered the room. That was curious. He watched as they took a seat near the empty seats right beside the high table. He sat up even further as the lady of the hour entered shortly after, Pod following closely behind. 

Brienne. 

Everyone cheered as she moved toward her seat. Jaime’s gaze tracked her movements. Seeing her was like being doused in iced cold water; his breath leaving him and his world somehow righting itself at the same time. He quickly categorized the changes in her. There weren’t many except her usually short yellow hair now lay past her shoulders in a simple braid. The blue of her cloak brought out the blue of her eyes and even from ten seats away he could see those beautiful orbs shinning in the candlelight. 

Everyone quieted as she spoke. 

“Thank you all for coming to honor my father on this night. As most of you well know, he enjoyed a great feast and would want everyone to drink well and eat full.” 

“To the Evenstar!” someone beside Jaime shouted. 

“To the Evenstar!” Everyone shouted. 

Jaime watched as she moved to sit, his eyes narrowing as he watched one of the men Brienne had walked into the feasting hall with pulled out her chair for her. Jaime sighed to himself, this was going to be a long night. 

88

“Tarth welcomes you, Ser Jaime.” 

He had stood up from his chair so quickly, his world tilted sideways. He turned to face her, but found she was walking away before he could open his mouth with a reply. He watched her walk away, an incredulous look in his eyes. 

“Ser Jaime?” 

He turned, surprised to see the small man he had been sitting next to and talking to Brienne for most of the night. He hadn’t noticed he had been standing beside him. “Yes?”

The shorter man held out his hand. “I am Lord Vax, one of Selwyn’s advisors; or at least I was. I suppose I am Lady Brienne’s now.” He smiled up at Jaime. 

Lord Vax, Jaime realized, had a face like a rat. He stared down at the offered hand, not bothering to return the handshake. “Yes?” He asked again. 

Lord Vax lowered his hand, clearing his throat as he did. “Yes well, I’ve heard you and Lady Brienne fought by each other’s side during the Long night. I understand you two—were close.” 

Jaime crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Ser Lady Brienne.” He corrected softly. “I was the one who knighted her.” 

Lord Vax chuckled with a shake of his head. “Of course, you did.” He smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Of course, we’ll be betrothed soon. Perhaps you can be the one to give her away since he her father won’t be able to.”

His hand. If he still had his golden hand it would be meeting with Lord Vax’s rat face. Instead, he moved closer, smiling in satisfaction when Lord Vax stepped back in surprise and fear. “Perhaps,” He said softly, you won’t make it to the Sept alive.”


	2. Apathy and Anger

**Apathy and Anger**

Jaime made his way through the quiet halls of Evenfall, his focus on getting to Brienne as soon as he could. He stopped outside her study, pausing in surprise as Pod stepped outside, standing guard at her door. He cleared his throat, catching the attention of the young squire. He raised an eyebrow as Pod rested his hand on the pummel of his sword. “Pod?”

“Ser Jaime.” Pod greeted. 

Jaime casually leaned against the wall, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Is Lady Brienne behind this door?” 

Pod tightened his hand on the pummel before answering. “Ser Lady Brienne is indi—” 

Jaime cut him off and moved closer to Pod, his expression angry. “If you say she’s indisposed one more time, I’m going to make you indisposed.” 

Pod glared at him. “She doesn’t want to—” He trailed off with a growl as Jaime barged his way into the study. “Ser Jaime!”

Jaime ignored him as he walked further inside, pausing as he caught sight of Brienne, sitting in a large chair by the fire. She turned to face him, and Jaime felt his heart stop. A familiar warmth flowed through him as he took her in. Jaime didn’t think he would be this close to her again so soon, and he could feel the shaky ground underneath his feet steady simply from being this close to her. “Brienne.” 

“Ser Lady,” Pod said, “Apologies, he barged his way inside.” 

Brienne blinked, seemingly coming out of her daze. “It’s alright, Pod.” 

Jaime let go the breath he’d been holding. He gave a smug look over his shoulder. “Well, Pod, you heard the lady.” 

Pod glared at him before stepping forward. “Are you sure, Ser Lady?”

She nodded. “Yes. It’s alright, Pod. Thank you.” 

Pod nodded once, sent Jaime a quick glare, and left the room, closing the door quietly as he went. 

Jaime could feel her eyes on him as he made his way toward the chair across from her. He sat down with a groan, frowning when he noticed she’d turned her gaze to the fire. He watched her for a long moment, his thoughts turning. He had so much he wanted to say to her, however the words wouldn’t come. 

He shifted in his seat and tilted his head, silently urging her to look at him though she continued to ignore his presence. 

“I wonder,” He started softly, “what it is that has you so fascinated with the contents of that fire.” 

when she finally turned her gaze on him, could read nothing from her eyes. It was unnerving because, although guarded, Brienne’s eyes were always the window to her soul. He ran his hand across his face, suddenly frustrated with his sudden ineptness at speaking. After another few moments, he did what he does best. 

“Do you truly believe the vultures circling your high table last night are worthy of being your husband?”

Brienne glanced at him, silently regarding him for a short moment before answering quietly. “I do.” 

He could feel the familiar burn of anger start low in his gut. “Did you choose one?”

She looked away from him as she answered. “Probably Lord Vax.” she answered blandly.

Jaime scoffed at this as he eyed her incredulously. “Him? He looks as though he can barely lift a sword.” 

She merely shrugged. “He was my father’s most trusted advisor. We grew up together. He was the son my father never had.” 

The anger he felt flared immediately. “And you’re Ser Brienne of bloody Tarth! You can do whatever you please, my lady. You don’t have to do this.” These were not the words he had meant to say when he came into this room, but these types of words were easy and familiar.

“It was my father’s dying wish,” she said quietly, “I promised to do my duty.” . 

“You and your oaths.” He spat. This was not going where he intended, but he continued because conflict and being insulting was comforting to him. “Haven’t you realized, Brienne, what all this sacrifice has done to you?” She was right when she told him he was always impulsive; never thinking before letting his poisonous words ruin the person in front of him.

“Why are you here?” She asked quietly. 

Jaime startled from the sudden question. He swallowed thickly. “You know why.” 

Brienne shook her head. “I do not.”

Jaime looked at her with despondence, but she merely stared at him with the same blank, bland expression. “Brienne you—I—” He trailed off with a shake of his head and pushed the words out. “I hurt you.” He started softly. “I lied to you, Brienne. I broke your heart. I want to apologize—I want to make it up to you somehow. I want to be here for you; with you.” 

Brienne said nothing, merely turned back to the fire. 

He sat forward. “Brienne, please say something.” 

She looked at him again. “What would you have me say?”

He couldn’t keep the desperation out of his voice. “Anything! Yell at me! Tell me you hate me! Tell me to beg and grovel; anything but this—this nothingness from you!” 

Brienne sighed heavily and shook her head. “It doesn’t matter Jaime.” 

He frowned at her. “It matters, Brienne.” He whispered. “It matters.” 

She shook her head. “No. It doesn’t.” 

He sat back in his chair “How can you say such a thing?”

Brienne wrapped her arms around herself. “How can I not?” She asked him, her voice showing the first real emotion since he sat down. “My father is gone. I have a duty to uphold and you—” She stopped speaking and suddenly stood up. “I can’t be here.” 

Jaime stood also, desperation in his gaze as he tried to make her stay. “Brienne, please. I apologize for my outburst just—” 

She shook her head. “Jaime, please—” She trailed off and swayed forward. 

Jaime gaze worriedly at her as he moved closer. “Brienne? Are you alright?” 

“No.” She murmured, bringing one hand to her forehead and the other to her stomach. She stumbled forward, but he caught her before she fell. 

“Brienne!” He cried out, wrapping both arms round her as she fainted. He helped her into her chair, placing his hand and stump onto her cheeks. She was pale. “Brienne?” He whispered, watching worriedly as she came to, blinking rapidly. “Are you alright?” He whispered as her dazed expression met his own. 

“Jaime? What?” She mumbled, weakly. 

“You fainted. Brienne, what do you need?” He could feel his heart pounding as he looked her over. 

Brienne gently pushed his hands away. “Sam,” She said breathlessly. “Please, I need him.” 

He was up and moving toward the door to call for help.


	3. Anger Only

**Anger**

Jaime followed closely behind as Pod, Sam, and Gilly escorted Brienne toward her chambers. He stood at the head of her bed, worriedly watching as they helped her lie against the pillows, Sam whispering to her quietly. 

“What is going on?”

Sam glanced at Pod. “I have to examine her.” 

Pod nodded once and turned to go, placing a hand on Jaime’s arm. “Ser Jaime we must—” 

“It’s alright, Pod.” Brienne said calmly as Gilly adjusted her pillows. 

Jaime wrenched his arm away from Pod with a glare. 

Pod sighed heavily. “Ser Lady, are you sure?”

“Yes.” She answered. “I’ll be fine. Please.” 

Jaime watched as Sam and Pod shared a silent look. He glared at Pod as he moved from the room. “What is wrong with her?” He asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest, hating the helpless sinking feeling in his stomach. 

Sam ignored his question. He lifted Brienne’s shirt. “What happened, Ser Lady?”

Jaime’s gaze fell toward Brienne’s swollen belly and his arms dropped to his sides as he took a step back. ‘No.’ He thought to himself. It couldn’t be what his mind and eyes were showing him. He has finally gone mad. “Brienne?” 

Brienne avoided Jaime’s gaze as she answered Sam. “I fainted.” She said softly. “Again.” She shifted uncomfortably as Sam examined her, running his fingers along her belly. 

Jaime moved closer, noting the flush on her cheeks. His gaze once again moved toward her swollen belly. “Brienne?” He repeated dumbly. 

Gilly began to remove her boots. “There should be no stress, Ser Lady.” 

“Have you eaten today?” Sam asked and Brienne nodded. 

“Yes. Whatever I could keep down, which wasn’t much.” She sighed as Sam lowered her shirt. “Is—” 

“Your babes are fine.” Sam assured her. 

“Babes?” Jaime choked out. He stumbled backward as if pushed. “Brienne?” He shuffled forward again, mouth opening and closing like a fish. She wouldn’t look at him, too interested in the mysteries of the furs which covered her legs. He was suddenly angry. He swallowed and shook his head. “Babes. I’m assuming it means two.” He moved closer when she didn’t respond. “Won’t you even look at me Brienne?” He leaned forward as she lifted her head. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

Brienne eyed him quietly for a long moment before lifting her chin, something very close to rage suddenly appearing in her gaze. “No.” She answered softly. She looked away from him. “Now please, go.” 

Jaime could feel his world tilt sideways. He swayed from the shock of her clear rejection of him flowed through him. “Fine.” He said, turning to go. He slammed the door as he went, nearly knocking into Pod who stood right outside the door. He glared at him. “Fucking, move!” He shouted, pushing him to the side. He began to pace. 

Pod leaned against the wall and watched him; his tone grim as he spoke. “She’s told you then.” 

Jaime glared at him. He opened his mouth to reply but closed it as Brienne’s chamber door opened and Sam stepped out into the hall. 

“Oh.” He said surprised to see Jaime still standing there. He glanced at both men with a hesitant smile. “So, drink?”

88

“Ser Lady is six moons today.” Sam explained with a hesitant smile.

Jaime poured himself a third cup of wine. “When did she find out?”

“Shortly after you left her.” Pod answered. 

Jaime cut his eyes at him before addressing his next question to Sam. “Is that why you’re here?” 

Sam nodded. “It was at Lady Sansa’s request. Ser Lady needed someone she trusted to keep the babes hidden while ensuring the three of them stayed well.” 

Jaime nodded, finished off his cup and poured another. “So, her advisors don’t know?”

Sam nodded his head in confirmation.

Jaime placed his cup down with a heavy sigh. “This is why she has been avoiding me?”

Pod snorted. “Did you expect her to welcome you with open arms, Ser?

Jaime didn’t know what he expected. He had hoped she would; perhaps naïvely so. He drank from his cup once more. 

“It has been easy to hide her pregnancy. Her advisors have given her space.” Sam explained. “They have given her time to grieve, but now they are pressuring her to choose a husband.” 

Jaime frowned. “She has chosen.” He cut in; his tone solemn. “She said she will marry Lord Vax.” 

Pod and Sam exchanged a look.

Jaime didn’t notice, he was too busy starting the process of wallowing in his own self-pity. Was this to be his life? Watching as the woman he loved marry someone else? Watching as another man raised his children? He ran a hand down the side of his face. It was as though the gods themselves were laughing at him. Perhaps this is what he deserved. Perhaps he should sail to Pentos and die the crippled lonely knight he was always meant to be. “Perhaps I should leave here.” 

“Just like that?” Pod asked incredulously. “You’re going to leave simply because of hurt pride and feelings?”

Sam looked nervously between the two men. 

Jaime frowned at Pod. “Not that I care, but I thought you hated me?”

Pod rolled his eyes as he continued speaking. “Anyone with eyes could see what you two mean to each other.” He frowned with a shake of his head. “Those men don’t know her. They don’t respect her. Not like you do.”

Sam nodded. “This would actually solve Ser Lady’s dilemma.”

The implication was obvious. Jaime sat back in his chair. “I—I don’t even know if she’ll have me that way.” 

Pod snorted as he nodded in agreement. “She’s more likely to stab you.” 

88

“How about a nice warm bath for you Ser Lady?” Gilly waved her hand so Brienne could follow her. “It’s been prepared.” 

Brienne’s gaze lifted as she nodded her head. She slipped off her bed. “Thank you, Gilly.” She followed the younger woman into her bathing room. She had slipped out of her clothes and stepped down into the large tub, sighing as the warm water touched her skin. She sank deep into the water, leaning back against the wall with a soft sigh. The water soothed her tenuous nerves and she closed her eyes as she tried to calm her speeding heart. 

Her hands caressed her belly, smiling softly as she felt the familiar fluttering of her babes against her fingertips. Her smile slowly faded as she thought of the shit storm her life had become. She and Jaime hadn’t been careful in Winterfell and at the time, Brienne found she didn’t care. She’d let her hopes and dreams of building a life with Jaime cloud her judgement and caused her to lose all logic. 

She had been such a fool back then. 

The pain from his rejection had nearly consumed her. During the day, she was able to attend to her duties as sworn sword to Sansa with ease but cried herself to sleep every night with each passing day. Then she found out she was pregnant with not one, but two babes and everything changed. She had steeled herself, stopped crying, and locked the pieces of her broken heart back behind the wall of steel she had built around it before she let Jaime in. She had swallowed her panic and taken Sansa’s advice not to tell her father what fate had befallen her until they could come up with a suitable plan for legitimizing her children. 

Not that it mattered anymore. 

Her father was gone. Jaime was here; alive. 

And she was angry. 

She tensed as she felt Gilly place the sponge at her shoulders. “You startled me.” 

Gilly smiled. “Sorry, Ser lady. You were deep in thought.” She continued to scrub at Brienne’s shoulders. 

“You do not have to bathe me, Gilly. I can—” 

Gilly smiled. “You’ve had a hard time at it, Brienne. You must relax.” She winced and rubbed the side of her stomach. “This little one’s been kicking me all night.” 

Brienne touched her belly. “What was it like? Having a child?”

“Painful.” Gilly answered honestly. “Then wonderful. Pushing your body so hard you don’t think you could make it out alive, but then suddenly something screaming and warm and alive is placed onto your chest and it’s wonderful.”

Brienne ran her hand against her belly again as she contemplated this. 

Gilly continued scrubbing her shoulders. “You’re angry.” She said and Brienne gave her a startled glance. 

The letter from Sansa stating Jaime was alive and on his way to Tarth was met with feelings of great relief; then fear. She didn’t know what he would say to her. She didn’t know what she would or should say to him. She’d sent Pod to greet him when he arrived to buy herself time before she had to see him. Still, even after he arrived, she wasn’t ready to see him and so she avoided him. She wasn’t surprised when he forced his way into seeing her and it wasn’t until after his quiet apologies and truth telling did her anger arise. 

“Do you think me wrong for being angry?” She asked softly. 

Gilly shook her head. “Oh, not at all, Ser Lady. If Sam had left me the same way Jaime had left you and suddenly returned, I’d make him suffer.” 

Brienne frowned at this. “I don’t want anyone to suffer.” She whispered, but didn’t she? Jaime had said he lied to her that night and yes, part of her knew that already. He had lied and road off to King’s Landing to die. 

She was angry. 

He’d left her, alone and scared. He’d taken her choice away from her. 

I don’t love you anymore. 

She might be more than angry. She might be furious.


	4. Intuition

**Intuition**

It was only another three days when Jaime worked up the nerve to see Brienne again. He stood outside of her chamber door, cup of tea in hand. He lifted his stump and knocked gently, maneuvering the cup he held into his arm so he could open the door. He paused in the doorway as he caught sight of her sitting up in bed. “Brienne.” 

She looked surprise to see him and she sat up straighter, watching him warily as he made his way toward her. “Ser Jaime.”

He sat beside her. “Just Jaime would suffice Brienne or are we still pretending we are nothing more than our titles to each other?” He winced to himself as her wary gaze quickly turned into an angry one; fuck he had no self-control. He handed her the cup he held. “I come bearing tea.” He watched as she took the cup from him carefully. “It’s cinnamon tea. My mother would drink it whenever she didn’t feel well while pregnant with Tyrion.” He cleared his throat when she gave him a questioning look. “Sam told me he ordered you to rest today—Don’t worry I had to beg for the information.”

She nodded and took a small sip. “Thank you.” 

Jaime watched her unabashedly, noticing for he first time the fullness in her face and the rosiness in her cheeks. Her long-yellowed hair flowed down her shoulders in soft waves. She was glowing, and it was then Jaime wondered how he had missed these changes earlier. It hit him, very suddenly, that Brienne was pregnant with his babes. She was a sight to behold; strength defined. The Warrior and the Mother wrapped in one parcel. “Pregnancy looks good on you, Brienne.” 

She stared into her cup with embarrassment. “Thank you, Ser.” 

There was another tense silence between them. Things between them had been easier in Winterfell. The intimacy they had been able to build seemed like a dream or a distant memory now. 

He cleared his throat and spoke carefully. “I only wonder what it is you will tell Lord Vax in the bridal chamber on your wedding night? Perhaps you can say you somehow swallowed a small boulder on your way from Winterfell, and you’ve yet to pass it? Or maybe during the feast you can eat everything in sight and tell him the belly is simply food baby?”

Brienne scowled at him. “I—haven’t thought of it.” She mumbled, placing her hands protectively over her stomach. 

Jaime’s eyes tracked her hands. He licked his lips as he continued lightly. “Or perhaps you aren’t going to actually marry him?”

Brienne stayed quiet as she looked down at her hands. 

He leaned forward. “You don’t have to, my lady.”

She sighed heavily. “Perhaps he would be relieved. He wouldn’t have to actually touch me.” 

Jaime could feel his temper rising, but he stamped it down. It wouldn’t help to make her more upset. “That sounds awful, Brienne. He doesn’t know you; your strength. He doesn’t respect you.” 

She shook her head. “He will be a good leader for the Island.” 

“And you wouldn’t be?” He asked vehemently. “You don’t need him, Brienne. Don’t marry him.” 

She looked defeated as she whispered quietly. “It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head again. “My advisors—” 

Jaime hesitantly place his hand onto her knee as he cut her off. “Fuck them.” 

Brienne glared at him. “I cannot simply break the rules, Jaime. I am not like you.” 

He chuckled, shaking his head as he replied. “You have been breaking the rules your whole life, my lady.” She looked away from him and he knew she could not argue that. 

She shook her head. “They would never accept me without a husband.” 

He frowned. “What would they do if you refused.” 

“They would try to remove me.” She said quietly. 

He snorted. “They could try. The people of this Island love you Brienne; though if that isn’t enough we would fight them.” 

She gave him a look of pure exasperation. “I don’t want a civil war, Jaime.” 

“Then marry me.” He blurted. 

Her eyes widened and she moved her knee away from his hand. “You’re an outsider.” She breathed. 

She didn’t say no. She didn’t stab him which was a good sign. “I’m a Lannister.” He said, shaking his head when she scowled at him. “I don’t say this to be arrogant, my lady, only I’m a Lannister. Tarth was untouched during the war and it was a blessing. Still, the Stormlands are vulnerable, and it would do Tarth good to have Lannister protection.” 

She still didn’t look convinced and he could feel desperation licking at his boot heels. 

“Brienne—that day I told you to keep Oathkeeper was, in all honesty, the day I gave myself to you.” 

“Don’t—” She said, “don’t do that.” 

He frowned at her. “Do what, my lady?”

“Say those words.” her tone sounded as if she were in pain. 

He shifted closer toward her. “It’s only the truth.” 

She glared at him. “So now you wish to tell me the truth?”

He visibly deflated as he looked away from her, chastened. 

Another tense silence passed between them.

He tried again. “Brienne, I know I hurt you. I know I’ve broken your heart. Broken your trust I just—I have lived half of my life with lies and deceit. I don’t wish to live the second half the same way.” He shook his head as he continued vehemently. “I cannot do it.” He reached for her hand, feeling his hopes rise when she didn’t pull away. “Please. I would like to claim my children this time. I would like to be the father I couldn’t be before. Even though I know you are capable, you don’t have to do this alone. Please Brienne, let me be here for the three of you?”

Brienne regarded him quietly and Jaime waited with bated breath for her answer. “They will not like this.” She said quietly. 

“So, what.” He shrugged. “I—I know you don’t trust me Brienne, but this could work.” 

She continued to regard him in silence then spoke quietly. “Do you truly wish to be a here for these babes? Will you love and protect them no matter what?” She carefully and purposefully left herself out of the equation. 

Jaime nodded, his gaze and tone both pleading a he answered. “Yes, Brienne. Until my last breath. If you’ll let me.” He nodded and gently squeezed her hand. “Ser Lady Brienne, will you marry me?”

She nodded once. “I will.” 

Relief shined in his gaze and was heard in his tone as he spoke roughly. “Thank you, my lady.” 

Brienne slipped her hand out of his own and sat back. “I must call for a meeting with my advisors.” 

Jaime nodded. “Yes, we must.” He stopped her from moving out of bed. “But you must rest first.” 

She gave him a look of exasperation. “Jaime—” 

“Ser Lady, I have been given strict instruction not to let you leave this bed until Sam says you may leave.” He brought the covers up over her belly, tucking her in. 

She scowled and sat back, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she did. “I am regretting this already.” 

8

Brienne couldn’t believe what it was she was about to do. 

“Jaime, when my advisors arrive, you must remember to temper yourself.” 

He mock frowned at her. “Me?” 

She glared at him and he gave a put-upon sigh. 

“I shall be on my best behavior, Brienne. Oh, here they come.” 

Brienne tensed as she sat up straighter as all six men made their way into meeting room. “Thank you for coming, my lords.” She swallowed her nervousness as they all sat down, each one’s gaze falling to Jaime. 

It was Lord Vax who spoke first. “My lady, is there a reason there is an outsider at this meeting?”

She could hear Jaime shift in his seat, could hear him draw breath as if to speak and she tensed. Relief flowed through her when he stayed quiet. She addressed Lord Vax. “Yes, there is. I have chosen Ser Jaime as a husband.” She watched quietly as her advisors began to murmur amongst themselves. She chanced a glance at Jaime who was watching her, his expression soft. “I know this may come as a shock to you all but—” 

“He’s an outsider.” Lord Col cut her off calmly and the others voiced their agreement. 

Lord Vax continued to glare at the two of them. “What makes you believe we would allow an outsider, much less, a Lannister have any part in the ruling of our land?”

Brienne opened her mouth to reply, but Jaime cut in before she could. 

“The babes in her belly does,” his tone dripped with arrogance as he addressed Lord Vax, and Brienne could only stare at him with exasperation. “And in case you’re wondering, they are mine.” 

Her advisors nearly started to all out shout their disbelief. Brienne pushed her cloak from her shoulders and touched her belly. 

“Seven hells!” one of them shouted. 

The earlier tension she felt rose steadily as the men began to argue amongst themselves. She didn’t want to be here. She wanted to escape. She started in surprise as she felt Jaime’s hand grab her own. She met his gaze and he smiled at her. A sudden calm overtook her as she said her next words. 

“We cannot deny the Stormlands are still vulnerable. We are lucky we were untouched by the great war, but I do not wish to further risk it while we are still vulnerable. Adding Lannister protection could be beneficial.” 

“Lady Brienne does have a point,” Lord Mal cut in. He has always been kind to her. “Having a foot hold in the Westerlands could triple our trade routes. Although, we were untouched physically from the great war, it did have some great effects on our trading. It would certainly help with the grain shortage due to the brutal winter.” 

Brienne gave him a small smile. “Thank you, Lord Mal.”

“What are you saying?” Lord Vax countered. “We cannot have a Lannister rule our Island!” 

“Then I won’t. I’ve no desire to rule your Island.” Jaime cut in. “I shall take the name Tarth.” 

Brienne’s eyes widened in surprise as she turned to glance at Jaime. 

He squeezed her hand as he continued. “Our children will take the name Tarth and Brienne will be the Evenstar.” 

A hush went over the room only to be broken by Lord Vax who scoffed. 

“A lady as the Evenstar?”

“That is Ser Lady to you.” Brienne cut in calmly. “I fought the army of the dead in the name of Tarth, Lord Vax how many wars have you fought in?”

Lord Vax spluttered and Jaime chuckled. 

Brienne released Jaime’s hand and placed it over her belly. “I have your heirs. I have been perfectly capable in my role as leader. My father has taught me the ways of politics and no one loves Tarth as much as I do.” She raised her chin. “I will be your Evenstar.” 

Lord Mal stood from his seat. “It seems Ser Lady has decided. I agree to this marriage.” He glanced at his council members. “Raise your hand if you agree.” Everyone except Vax raised their hands. He nodded once and smiled at Brienne. “Congrats Ser Lady.” He bowed to Jaime. “Ser Jaime.”

She watched as they all filed out, scowling at Lord Vax as he glared at the two of them. She slumped in her seat as the door closed. She glanced at Jaime who was watching her with pride. “Do you truly mean to take my name? For our children to?”

He nodded. “Yes.” 

She shook her head. “You’re insane.” 

Jaime chuckled as he slipped from his seat and moved onto his knees in front of her. He touched her knee. “Jaime Tarth.” He grinned up at her. “It fits doesn’t it?”

Brienne rolled her eyes at him as he chuckled, though inside her heartbeat sped up in a familiar way as unbidden pleasure coiled through her with his words.

Jaime turned serious as he said his next words. “I know I may not have any of your trust, my lady, but I promise to work my hardest to earn it back.” 

Brienne couldn’t tell if he was being truthful or not. She could feel her panic rising as she swallowed down her sardonic reply. 

88

They were married exactly ten days later.

Brienne walked herself down the sept; and toward Jaime, who met her gaze with a hesitant smile. She met his gaze levelly, half listening as the Septon droned on and on about the joining of two souls. When the time came, he draped his cloak over her shoulders, and she draped hers over his own. A new tradition started by the two of them. The kiss that followed was a short one, but Brienne could feel the burn of it on her lips long after they walked from the Sept. 

Now she sat beside Jaime in the feasting hall, accepting congratulations from each person who came up to their table. She looked at him, noting his relaxed posture and easy smile. He was happy, she realized. She sighed heavily, wondering why it was she could only feel anxious and afraid. 

She was married to Jaime Lannister. If she wasn’t so conflicted, she would find it amusing how the gods seemed fit to twist her life in a way that was nearly unrecognizable. She gazed at him again. When he had left her, Brienne had often imagined many a night, through her tears, he had returned to her asking for forgiveness. She would always welcome him with open arms, always imagining the happiness she would feel with his return. 

But now faced with reality, she didn’t know how she should feel. 

Jaime leaned in closer and spoke softly, his gaze concerned. “Are you alright, my lady?” He glanced at her full plate. “You’ve barely touched your food. You should eat, for the babes.” 

She fought the urge to cross her arms in front of her chest, not wanting to appear like a petulant child. He was becoming worse than Sam. “I’ve had my fill.” She glared at him, once again overcome with suddenly sharp anger. “Why do you care?”

Jaime blinked in surprise but kept his tone calm as he responded. “Why wouldn’t I, my lady?”

Brienne looked away from him, fighting back the scowl trying to break loose on her face. What was the matter with her? Her thoughts were screaming at her the many reasons why he wouldn’t care, and it took everything within her not to say them to him.

She glanced out at the feasting hall, making note of the many happy faces of Tarth lords, ladies, and citizens celebrating her marriage. It was supposed to be a joyous time. 

Brienne didn’t feel joyous or hopeful. She felt confused and afraid; and so much anger. She suddenly stood from her seat, waving off Pod and Sam’s concerned gaze. She avoided Jaime’s gaze. “I need air.” She moved before he could respond, moving as quickly as she could toward the exit onto the balcony. 

The cool air touched her heated face and she sighed as she walked further toward the edge of the balcony. She closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of sand and salt. She could feel the mist from the falls on her skin as she let the soothing sounds of the water hitting the earth soothe her. She placed her hands onto her stomach; gently caressing with a small smile as she felt familiar fluttering against her fingertips. She took a few more deep breaths, tensing as she heard familiar footsteps behind her. “Is there anywhere I can go where you won’t follow?”

Jaime slipped into the empty space beside her. “Possibly the privy.” He shrugged. “Though, I can’t make any promises, Brienne.” His smile faded with the missed beat of his humor. He reached out, placing his hand over her own. 

Brienne snatched her hand away and turned away from him; putting her back to him. “All I wanted was a few moments alone.” She huffed. She could feel the familiar tendrils of irritation start to arise. She hated feeling this way, but she couldn’t fight it. She wrapped her arms around herself. 

“What is the matter, Brienne?” He asked quietly. 

She shook her head. “Nothing.” She lied. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Nothing or it doesn’t matter?” He moved a step closer. “I only wish to know so I can understand.” 

She stayed stubbornly quiet, cutting her eyes at him as he stepped even closer. 

“Ahh,” He said, “There’s that familiar scowl you’ve perfected. I must say it reminds me of our earlier times together. It always gives me this little twinge right in my heart whenever I see it.” 

To her horror, Brienne felt her chin began to wobble followed by her eyes beginning to fill with tears. She blinked and they fell down her cheeks. She had thought she’d been finished with crying, but apparently not. She sniffled. 

Jaime moved closer again. “Brienne? Why are you crying?”

She hastily tried to wipe at her tears, but more fell. She wanted away from him; tried to turn away but he crowded her. “The night you left—you left for King’s Landing to die.” It wasn’t a question for she knew the answer, but some tortured part of her wanted to hear him say it. 

“Brienne,” He started his voice pained, “I need you to understand.” He reached for her again, but she stepped away from him.

“Get away from me.” She whispered harshly. 

Jaime shook his head. “Brienne, please—” 

She glared at him. “Go!” She turned away, feeling him hovering over her for a few moments before leaving with a resigned sigh.


	5. Denial

**Denial**

 

It seems she’s lost all control of her emotions.

 

Brienne stared into the fire as another wave embarrassment flowed through her; her thoughts on her emotional outburst from earlier.

 

“The babes certainly make crying easier.” Gilly said with an amused smile.

 

Brienne frowned as she glanced at her. “It’s embarrassing.” She muttered.

 

“Tears help wash things away.” Gilly corrected.  “Brienne you are made of steel, but it’s alright to give into the softness inside sometimes.”

 

Brienne nodded in understanding. She was not always made of steel. It was a way she taught herself to be; covering up the softest spots with it for protection. It was how she survived the many difficulties of her life; how she protected herself; though it seemed when it came to Jaime Lannister, the softest parts of her won out every time. It was dangerous for her; these feelings. She didn’t want them. She didn’t. To her silent horror, her tears started again. “I love him!” She cried shaking her head.

 

Gilly nodded in understanding. “I know.” 

 

Brienne continued to cry, shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. “I don’t want to. I’m trying not to.” He had hurt her terribly; so much. She couldn’t open herself up to that again.

 

Gilly nodded again. “Yes, but you might as well ask the wind not to blow or the sun not to shine, my lady. You married him; he’s here now. You can protect yourself, but you can’t stop the love you feel. It’ll only cause you more pain.”

 

Brienne wiped at her tears and looked back to the fire, quietly contemplating her words.

                                                                                                        

88

 

The soft yet insistent knock at his is what woke him from his fitful sleep.  Jaime sat up as the knocking continued. He slipped out of bed with a quiet groan, his creaking joints reminding him of his age. He shuffled toward his door and opened it, his eyes widening as he caught sight of Brienne standing there clad in a light blue robe. “Brienne.” He whispered, stepping aside. “Come in.”

 

She moved into his room, nodding her thanks. “I couldn’t sleep.” She explained softly.

 

Jaime nodded. “I wasn’t sleeping too well either.” He waved his hand toward the empty bench near the fire. “Please, sit.”  He watched as she did as he asked, sliding into the empty spot beside her.  He watched her without shame, her presence seemingly taking his breath away; always steadying him.

 

Break broke the silence first. “I apologize for my yelling at you earlier.”

 

Jaime shook his head. “There’s no need to. I understand. You’ve a right to your anger.”

 

Brienne let out a shaky sigh. “I don’t want to be angry.”

 

“I know,” he said, “but you are.” He glanced at her. “I Just—” He stopped himself, swallowing down his explanations and excuses. They were well past those, and he knew he needed to be careful with her “I’m sorry.” He said instead.

 

Brienne looked at him with surprise in her blue gaze. 

 

He smiled ruefully. “You don’t have to forgive me. I know I’ll have to earn it with my actions.” He shrugged. “Contrary to popular theory I’m not an idiot.”

 

Amusement flashed in her eyes as she replied, “Could’ve fooled me.”

 

Jaime tilted his head in surprise as he regarded her. “A jape and an insult all rolled into one? My lady, you’ve grown.”

 

She rolled her eyes at him and his grin widened. He could feel a tiny hint of the easiness they’d developed in Winterfell. He felt the tightened fist around his heart loosen. “I wanted to give you something.” He said suddenly. He stood and moved toward the small writing desk, picking up the wooden box there. He moved back to her and sat, handing her the wooden box as he did. “A wedding gift.”

 

Brienne hesitated; her eyes wary. “I don’t—” She trailed off as he placed the box into her lap.  “Jaime, I don’t want a gift.”

 

 “Please, just take it.” He watched as she ran her fingers over the sigil of her house ornately carved into the box. He held his breath as she opened it, watching her face carefully for any reaction at all.

 

“Oh.” She said softly. Inside was a sailing blade. She lifted it from its velvet molding, checking its weight in her hand. The handle was made of the finest oak and she ran her fingers against it.

 

Jaime licked his lips. “Read the inscription.”

 

She did as he instructed, catching sight of her house words. “Unmovable Mountains.”

 

“I remember you telling me about your sailing trips around the Island with your father.” It was one of many stories she told him of her girlhood on Tarth.

 

She carefully placed the blade back in its box with a small sigh. Jaime watched her, trying in vain to decipher her expression, but failing because there wasn’t any.  “I only thought a wedding gift should be useful.” He shrugged and looked away from her; unable to stand the weight of her stare. He started with surprise as her hand suddenly touched his shoulder. He turned to face her again, surprised when he noticed appreciation shining in her gaze.

 

“Thank you.” She said quietly.

 

He nodded. “I thought to give you a gift of sapphires,” He japed, “but there aren’t any on the island.”

 

“Jaime.” She pushed at his shoulder and he pulled her in for a kiss.

 

As soon as it happened, it ended. She pulled away from his mouth, her eyes wide.

 

Jaime’s own eyes widened as he realized what he’d done. “My lady, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—” He was cut off as her lips pressed feverishly against his own once more.  He wrapped his arms around her with a shocked groan; opening his mouth up to her searching tongue. Their tongues pushed against one another. Jaime didn’t bother to hold in his moans of pleasure as he tightened his hold around her.

 

Brienne whimpered, wrapping both hands around his neck as her body slid closer. Jaime’s hand caressed up her arm before sliding around her side and down her back. He tried to control his breathing; not wanting to break away from her and break the spell that caused her to kiss him.  It was more than what he dreamed of. It was everything he remembered. Her lips were so soft and plush and warm. How could he have forgotten?

 

Lungs burning, he pulled away first, resting his forehead against her own, panting for breath. “Brienne?” He questioned. He wanted her; ached for her.

 

She didn’t respond, merely pulled away from him and stood over him.  He stared up at her, feeling much like he did their very first time. Enraptured. Enthralled. Captivated and more.

 

 He watched with wide eyes as her hands moved to untie and remove her robe. It fell to the floor quietly. Now, she stood before him clad in a very thin shift. He choked on his breath as she reached down and pulled it over her head.  Jaime could feel his gaze darken as his eyes roamed her naked body. Her teats had grown, now heavier than when he last saw. He reached out caressing his thumb against one taught nipple. His gaze followed the trail his hand made as it moved down her hip and thigh, much softer than he remembered due to the babes growing inside the stomach he was too cowardly to touch.

 

He stood as if pulled by some invisible tether, immediately lifting his arms as she helped him remove his tunic. Brazenly, she ran her fingernails down and across his chest, grazing his nipples. Jaime pulled her closer for a passionate kiss. They stumbled toward his bed, mouths still connected, teeth and tongue gnashing against one another.

 

Jaime pulled away to remove his breeches before sitting onto the bed and pulling her to straddle his waist.  He was painfully hard, and he couldn’t help the groan that escaped his throat as he felt her wetness rub against him. This was his favorite part.  He preferred her astride him. Her strong soft thighs on either side of his hips. Her full weight bearing down on him.

 

He kissed and nibbled her throat as she grinded down against him.  He stilled her movements, not wanting this to end before it’s even started. Her hands suddenly gripped his hair and he gasped in surprise as she yanked his head back, so his gaze met her own.  The sudden pain shocked him; made him harder.

 

Brienne looked surprised by her own actions; both being reminded of a time years ago. She pushed her mouth against his again in another hard kiss.  She lifted and sank down on him, both gasping from the pleasure. 

 

‘Gods.’ Jaime thought as she wrapped her arms around him and began to rock her hips against him. His arms tightened around her as pleasure coiled through him quickly. He would not last long given the quick pace her hips moved. “Brienne—” He groaned, trying to slow her movements. “I won’t—” He trailed off when her fingernails suddenly scored a trail down his shoulder blades and back, leaving a sting of pain in their wake.   “Fuck.” He cried out quietly, hands falling to her thighs as his pleasure increased.

 

He closed his eyes, bringing his focus on trying to hold it together until she reached her completion. He could tell by the increase in the sounds she made that she was close. He pushed his mouth against his own for another bruising kiss, catching her groan as she tensed in his arms. He soon followed closely behind burying his head into her throat as he moaned his release.  He panted against her, sliding his hand gently up her back in a slow caress; listening as she fought to catch her breath as his hand continue it’s slow caress down her back and up again.

 

He stayed quiet for a few moments, knowing if he spoke it would only ruin the moment. He kissed her shoulder blade, breathing in her scent with a sigh. Suddenly, he moved back with a gasp as he felt an odd fluttering against his stomach.

 

He glanced down at her belly before looking up at her. “Was that—” Without thinking, his hand touched her belly and he grinned as he felt the fluttering against his fingertips.  “Brienne.” He said as he looked up, catching the way she flinched away from his gaze.

 

Brienne slipped from his waist and from his bed. He watched as she gathered her clothes, quickly slipping on her shift and then her robe.  “Goodnight, Brienne.” He called quietly, feeling guilty when she jumped from the sound of his voice in the tense silence.

 

Brienne turned to leave; pausing in the doorway to look at him. “This doesn’t change anything.”

 

Despite the sting of her words, Jaime nodded. “Of course, not.” He whispered.

 

Without another word, she left his chambers, quietly shutting the door as she went.

 

Jaime lay back against his pillows with a curse.

 

TBC


	6. Reformation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and Kudos. they keep me writing. Here's the next part.

**Reformation**

“I apologize for the deception Maester Crane.” Brienne murmured as he examined her.  He had been summoned to the Citadel after her father had passed and only returned last night.

 

The Maester shook his head as he ran his hands across her belly. “Nonsense child, I understand. Lord Tarly did keep thorough records of your pregnancy, I must say.”

 

Brienne nodded. “He is very good.”

 

Maester Crane merely grunted, unimpressed. He gently lowered her tunic. “You and your babes are healthy, Ser Lady.” He smiled as he said this, patting her hand. “Your father would be proud;”

 

Brienne snorted at this. “He would be annoyed with me for being unconventional.”

 

Maester Crane shook his head. “He would be proud you are the Evenstar. Your being unconventional is what he loved most about you.”

 

She could never tell with her father. He always seemed so exasperated and sometimes frustrated with her hardheaded stubbornness.  She knew her father loved her, but he was a man of few words and to her his silence always meant he was disappointed in her. “Thank you, Maester Crane.”

 

He patted her hand and stood up.  “Continue to get plenty of rest, Ser Lady.” He gathered his things and turned to leave, pausing in the doorway. “I too am proud of what you’ve become.”

 

Brienne watched him go, his parting words filling her with a warmth she hadn’t felt in a while.  She slipped from bed and put on her robe, moving into her solar so she could eat her breakfast. She paused as she watched the servants placed two table setting instead of a single “Will someone be joining me?”  
 She asked.

 

One of the servants nodded. “Ser Jaime has requested he break his fast with his Lady wife this morn.”

 

‘Fuck.’ Brienne thought to herself. She sat in front of one of the settings.  “Did he?” She asked.

 

“I did.”

 

Startled she looked up just in time to see him making his way toward the chair across from her own. She hadn’t even noticed he had entered the room.  She watched him warily as he sat down.  She hadn’t planned on seeing him so soon. Not after what they did last night.  She could feel herself flush and tried to hide it by lifting her cup for a drink of water. Still, she watched him over the rim of her cup. Why did he always have to look so handsome?

 

They sat quietly, both watching the other as the servants began to place food onto the table. Oatmeal, fruit, warm bread, cheese and sausage. For once the smell of sausage didn’t turn her stomach.  She nodded her thanks as they left them alone.

 

 

She watched as Jaime reached for a bowl of oatmeal and the jar of honey. He poured it into the bowl and stirred before sliding the bowl over to her. She took the offered bowl, trying not to feel touched that he remembered how she took her oatmeal.

 

Jaime piled his own plate with bread, cheese and sausage. “Did you sleep well, Brienne?” He asked idly. He bit into a piece of bread. “I slept wonderfully.” He smiled as he said it.

 

Brienne’s flush deepened. He knew she always slept deeply after fucking. “I did.” She answered, keeping the wariness in her tone.

 

“Hmm.” He said, popping a piece of cheese into his mouth.  He reached down into the empty seat beside him and lifted the gift she’d left in her haste to get away from him. “You left this last night.”

 

Brienne nodded as she took the offered gift. She placed it onto the seat beside her.  “Thank you.”

 

More silence ensued between them as they ate their breakfast quietly.

 

Jaime broke the silence first “Speaking of last night—”

 

“We shouldn’t do—that again.” She cut in.

 

Jaime nodded, looking disappointed, but unsurprised. “Of course, Brienne. We won’t do that again.” The words looked as though it pained him to say. “That is the easy part. Fun yes, but—” He trailed off with a shrug.  He poured her some tea and cleared his throat. “Does that mean you regret what we did?”

 

She glared at him. “I’ll not answer such a question.” She continued eating her oatmeal, feeling Jaime’s gaze on her. She ignored him, moving her focus toward finishing her oatmeal. It was the first time in weeks she held a true appetite and she wasn’t going to waste it because Jaime wanted to be annoyingly meddlesome.  A few more bites and she pushed the empty bowl away from her with a satisfied sigh. Still feeling hungry, she reached for some fruit.

 

“It’s good to see you’ve an appetite back.” He commented, taking a bite of sausage.

 

Brienne felt the tension in her body unfurl with his simple comment, but she swallowed her reply, opting to stuff more fruit into her mouth.

 

Jaime was still watching her, looking as though he wanted to say something but was hesitating. “What?” She asked softly. “What is it?”

 

Jaime let out he breath he’d been holding, shaking his head with a laugh. “I’ve come in here with a speech prepared and the moment I’m in the same room as you it dies on my tongue.” He laughed and shook his head. “The moment I see you, I’m scared half to death of anything I’ll say. I don’t wish to anger you to the point that you’ll send me away.”

 

Brienne started with surprise. “I would never—” She trailed off, once again swallowing her words. Wouldn’t she?  She had very briefly entertained the idea, but quickly pushed the thought away. She stared at Jaime, not missing the sorrow in his gaze. She moved her gaze over his shoulder, guilt suddenly making her stomach churn.  “I couldn’t send you away.” She said quietly. “No matter how angry I am.”

 

The relief on Jaime’s face made her sad for him. Did he truly think she would be so cruel to him? Toss him away as though he meant nothing? As though the babes in her belly and vows they exchanged weren’t important? She had lied to him when she told him she was never going to tell him about the babes. They were words said in anger; meant to hurt him and she has regretted saying them.  Brienne had a sense that his words were closely related to the words he had uttered to her the night he left her.  She knew Jaime held some guilt for his past deeds, but when he said he was hateful she didn’t understand.  “I would not have hidden the babes from you.” She said, feeling the familiar urge to comfort him. “What I said was out of anger. I was only avoiding you because I wasn’t sure how I would tell you.”

 

Jaime’s eyes glistened as he nodded his head. “I understand. Thank you for telling me.”

 

She nodded, swallowing the lump that was suddenly forming in her throat. “I don’t understand that side of you. The darker side you hate so much—the side that made you want to die.”

 

Something painful crossed Jaime’s expression and he looked down. “Brienne—”

 

“It made you leave me.” She whispered, her voice breaking. This time, thankfully, no tears fell.

 

Jaime reached for her hand and she let him.  He gently squeezed her fingers. “Perhaps it’s time we talk?”

 

She nodded, but before she could answer, her handmaiden Dalia interrupted them.

 

She curtsied to them both before addressing Brienne. “I apologize Ser Lady, but it’s time to get ready for the day.”

 

Brienne nodded. “Thank you, Dalia, I’ll be there in a moment.”  She turned to Jaime. “Meet me in the northern meadow by the beach at noon.” They will speak and not be interrupted.

 

Jaime nodded once and stood himself. “I will leave you to prepare for your day.”

 

Brienne watched him go, feeling and odd sense of relief and trepidation.

 

88

 

The water was calm Brienne noted as she made her way through the northern meadow.  She breathed in the early scent with a small smile. The air was becoming warmer and the grass greener, telling her that spring was finally arriving.  Her steps slowed as she spotted Jaime sitting near a copse of trees, arms resting on his knees. She bit her lip as nervousness suddenly overtook her. What would they say to each other? Would she get angry again? Shaking her doubts, she quickened her steps. 

 

  “It’s beautiful here.” Jaime commented as she stopped beside him. “I’ve never seen water so blue.”

 

She slowly sat beside him with a small grunt. She leaned back against her hands with a small sigh. “It’s my favorite part of being here.”

 

Jaime nodded. “Our babes will be lucky. Growing in a place like this.”

 

She nodded. That was the truth. She’d only wished she’d appreciated it more as she grew out of her youth. She’d been so eager to get away from it all. Leaving Tarth had forced her to face a world that was truly hard, ugly, and unforgiving. “I used to hide from my Septa here when I was a girl.” She told him softly. “I would pick flowers and braid them into a crown to wear atop my head.” She smiled at the memory. Septa Roelle would often find her laying in the grass, head in the clouds before loudly demanding she return to her Embroidery lessons. “She was an awful woman.”

 

Jaime grinned at her. “Most Septas are.”

 

Brienne returned his smile with one of her own. While they were in Winterfell, he often asked her about stories from her girlhood and there hadn’t really been many she was willing to share with him.

 

“I’ve brought you food.” Jaime said, seemingly pulling a cloth bag from out of thin air. He pulled out an apple, bread, and cheese.

 

Brienne took the offered food with a nod of thanks. She was ravenous and hadn’t had time to grab anything to eat. She bit into her apple with a happy sigh, glancing at Jaime who watched her with amusement in his eyes.  She flushed. “Shut up.”

 

His smile merely widened.  “Long day?” he asked.

 

She shrugged and finished off her apple. “More talk of sheep trading. I hadn’t realized how much I would have to talk about sheep.” She reached for a piece of bread and cheese.

 

Jaime nodded. “Tarth does have a high abundance of sheep.”

 

“And goats.” She said, finishing off the rest of her bread and cheese. She drank deeply from the waterskin he handed her.

 

“Perhaps I should become a goat farmer while I’m here?” He suggested.

 

Brienne gave him an odd look. “Ser Jaime Lannister—”

 

“Tarth.” He corrected.

 

She shot him an amused glance. “Goat farmer?”

 

Jaime nodded. “Defender of the living. Husband of the Evenstar. Interesting titles they will be, I must say.”

 

She rolled her eyes, amusement still in her gaze. “You don’t know how to raise goats.”

 

He shrugged. “I can learn. I’ve got time. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Brienne snorted with the image Jaime doing anything regarding goats.  “Or you could become our Master-of-arms?”

 

Jaime looked startled by the suggestion. “Brienne I am not fit to do such a thing.”

 

“Tarth has no army.” She said softly. “My father never replaced Ser Goodwin after he passed, and I’m sure it’s because all of the soldiers we did have left the Island for the Stormlands to fight in the war.”

 

He shook his head. “Brienne—”

 

“You were the Lord Commander of the King’s guard.” She continued with surety. “You led the Lannister army Jaime. You’ve the skills and the knowledge; I’d only ever trust you with this.” Her words were strong and true; always were when it came to her explaining her belief in him.

 

Jaime’s gaze softened as he gave her a half smile. “Fine, twist my arm.”  He cleared his throat after a moment’s pause. “You truly trust me with this?”

 

She nodded, sure. “I trust you, yes.”

 

Jaime looked at her, the expression he held was the same as when he gazed upon her in Winterfell. This time, it filled her with certain fear. She looked away from him, unable to stand the weight of his stare.  She tensed as he began to speak.

 

“Do you know you’re the only person who believes in me the way you do?”

 

She looked at him at this.

 

He nodded; his eyes now sad as he continued. “Not Tyrion; nor Cersei, and never my father.” He lowered his legs as he continued. “The faith you have in me frightens me, Brienne.”

 

“Why?” She asked, her gaze fierce. “Because it’s only true. I have that faith because it’s the truth. I say it because it’s the truth.” She was so tired of this already. They were always going in circles with this. She knew she could never make him believe otherwise and it saddened her. This time she let the tears come, swiping them away with her fingers as they fell down her cheeks. “You aren’t hateful Jaime.”

 

He shook his head, still unseeing in the simple fact. “Brienne—”

 

“You’re your own man, Jaime!” She glared at him through her tears. “You weren’t half of a whole, and I know that it hurts you by saying it, but it’s true.” His thoughts were twisted; distorted. She looked away from him and out at the sea. She could feel the beginnings of irritation start to set in and she took a deep breath and released it, letting her temper settle.

 

“Perhaps you’re right, but it’s all I ever knew until I met you.”

 

She looked at him at those words, startled to see tears slipping down his cheeks.

 

“Those few weeks I spent with you in Winterfell made me experience a happiness I’d never felt before. It was free and pure.” He shook his head as if he still couldn’t believe he had experienced it. “Pure.” He whispered.  Suddenly, he turned to face her, tentatively reaching for her hand. “Brienne, it killed me to leave you and I’m sorry I hurt you.  I can’t go backwards; I don’t want to go backward. I want—” He trailed off as more tears fell.

 

Brienne squeezed his hand. “You want?”

 

“I want to live.” He confessed quietly as though it were some terrible secret. “I want you to be my wife. I want to be a good man for you. I want our babes to grow safe and protected. I want to be happy.”

 

Brienne turned fully so that she was facing him. She gently grasped the stump of his right arm. He lost his golden hand and never replaced it with another. He used to flinch when she would touch it in Winterfell, but now he pushed it harder into her palm. He wanted to live. He was choosing something for himself.  “Jaime,” She started softly, “do you love me?”

 

He nodded eagerly and answered without hesitation. “Yes. I do, Brienne, so much.”  The unsure look he gave her as he asked her the same made her heart ache. “Do you feel the same?”

 

“Yes.” She answered with a nod. More tears leaked from her eyes as she noted the pure relief on his face, and this was something she understood. She’d had her own doubts. “After today, we shall never speak of the past again.” She vowed softly and he nodded in agreement. It was time to heal; together. Brienne let the anger she’d felt go and in its place a hope for the future; Their future.  She slipped her hand from his and placed it onto his cheek. She leaned over and kissed him softly, pulling away before it deepened.  “We’ll have to take things slow.”

 

Amusement flashed in Jaime’s gaze as he looked pointedly at her swollen belly. “Slow.” He agreed with a nod. “Yes.”

 

She rolled her eyes at him. “This is all so dramatic. Now, help me stand, I have to take a piss.”

 

Jaime grinned as he stood, reaching for her hand. “As my lady commands.”

 

TBC


End file.
